6. How my improvement got going

In my previous blogs I told you how I had started counselling and was seeing some improvement in my mental health, I will never be sure which one helped, was it the tablets or the counselling?

I was still having appointments at the doctors and my medication had increased to the maximum dosage, I was still having bad days, just not as many, Janet then referred me to critical care as I needed more professional help, I had an appointment with IAPT (Improving Access to Psychological Therapies) I met with a member of their team who assessed and referred me to 3 different organisations

Even though she determined I wasn’t an alcoholic she was concerned at the amount I was drinking and the fact I turned to drinking on my bad days, as you may or may not know alcohol is a depressant so I needed to cut back. Unfortunately the referral for assistance in drink withdrawal never materialised!!

The 2nd was for CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) again due to underfunding the waiting list for that is 9 months to a year 😩 she did put together a safety plan for me, she said if you ever felt suicidal would you call the Samaritans? No. Would you go to A&E and get professional help? No. Would you call an ambulance? No.

I was starting to feel let down and alone again so we started the downward spiral yet again.

The 3rd referral ended with P3 a charity organisation contacting me to offer assistance, I saw Sarah Betteley and Sian. Sarah became my ‘care worker’ and was probably one of the most helpful and full of life person I’ve ever met. You get help for 8 weeks with P3, we met for a cup of tea (she wouldn’t let me go in the pub!) we even went for a run one day, something I was missing. She chased up appointments and referrals for me as she knew who to contact. I can honestly say she got me focused enough to turn the corner!

Things were improving slowly, had a couple of bad days but felt better quicker, I wasn’t self harming anymore, which is something I’d forgotten to mention, when I was in the dark place, cutting seemed to relieve the pain in my head, it was a genuine pain too, I’ve learnt that a headache on the front left side of my brain was the beginning of the darkness descending on me. It wasn’t a normal headache, I can only describe it as someone using a hammer and chisel and tapping away at my head.

Sian through Sarah lent me a book, The Four Pillars by Dr Rangan Chatterjee. What a book, I recommend it for everyone. I can’t praise it highly enough. I’ve started to implement some of the things in the book including meditation!!

I then tried his podcast which has various guests from the health sector and real, normal people. Again, brilliant. I’m now constantly listening to his podcasts on the way to and from work or when I want 30 mins of peace.

I recommended the book to a couple of very good friends of ours for their daughter who is suffering and I’m pleased to say that they too have found it helpful.

The period between Sarah at P3 and fully reading the book I ended up referred back to critical care, the doctor a saw was a **** and not helpful, his overall assessment was that I wasn’t planning or had a plan to kill myself but he was concerned that my OCD and impulsive behaviour was a major concern, that was the last I’ve heard from them too! It was up to me now, live or die and at the moment the living part of me is winning quite comfortably, I won’t be coming of the tablets for a while though, I missed 2 days because I’d run out and it felt as if I had gone back 6 months!

In my next blog I’d like to explain the benefits I found with P3 and Dr Chatterjee and try and put together some good links to help others too.